I Understand

Dear Blog,

I have done a terrible, terrible thing. Even I couldn't forgive myself for what I've done.

10th Oct 2013, I have accused the one I loved most of my doubts and insecurity and it cost us our relationship.

I've basically thrown away everything I had with her out the window based on my actions that day.

I have done terrible things that day. I accused, shouted, abused her, thrown her out of the house, and even worse.. I thrown her precious things across the room.

I'm a real monster.

I always thought to myself of what I did, and I regretted it ever since that day.

Today, I was driving back home.. my mind wandered. Thinking back about that day, thinking how she would feel that day, putting myself in her shoe and try to relive the past as her.

I realized how much she loved me through it, she could forgive me for my actions and continue to be with me after that day. She's one very strong girl, and a girl who really really truly love the monster, me.

I couldn't help my tears from falling while I was on the road.

I felt her fear, I felt her confusion, I felt her pressure, and I felt her pain..

I felt ashamed that I am still after her, when she asked for a break-up 5 days ago.

I felt I don't deserve her.

...

I don't know what I can do to ever heal the pain she experienced from my dumb actions.

I can never forgive myself for what I've done. Never.


She deserved better.

I am sorry, though sorry will never be enough to compensate what is done.