KSP: Byy, can you 'cha' (massage) me?

Every night, she'll sleep peacefully right after, with her cute little snoring sound.

And every morning I would see her peaceful face sleeping right beside me, that's something I missed most.

I miss everything about her.

Why I thrown all these out the window?

I got only myself to blame.

And I could only wonder of what could have been.

With all my regrets,

PiB

Dear blog,

It has been very long since I was last here, and every time I'm here, I'll write about my regrets.

And that's the reason I'm here yet again.

This time, I've done something, something that I, myself can't forgive. I hurt someone I love most, someone who is very dear to me. Anger and doubts got the best of me.

There is no one to blame but myself for the actions I did.

Anyhow, it's all history now.

...

I've lost my relationship,
I've lost my life companion..

I've lost a part of myself.

Regrets is whats left in me, and it will stay.

Strawberries and vanilla will be separated,
Puss in boots will no longer with Kitty Soft Paws.
No more fei por byy, bb..

All lies are memories of us,

Moments shared, will forever carved in my mind and heart.

I will cherish all the memories with you, the good and the bad.

.....

I'm sorry for what I've done,

I'm sorry that I've thrown the relationship away.

..........

We once said and promised to each other "if one of us still love another, we cannot separate"

I really do hope we're still together, I'm sorry.

I will always, always love you, KSP.
PiB

I'm to blame

I understand what you're going through,

I understand how busy you are with work,

Calling you, even sms-ing you made me think twice if I will disturb you from it,

I was just saying, no intention to have an argument with you, ever.

I approached you with no anger, no disappointments,

was just telling you that you've made someone waited for you.

I didn't know by telling you that it indicates that I'm actually blaming you. Never had the intention on blaming anyone.

I'm sorry that i said it is your fault, i slipped,

You yelled from the moment i told you I said you made someone waited.

I slipped. Sorry.

I'm sorry that I yelled back at you.

I realized it was wrong from the moment i did it.

Everything was actually my fault.

Sorry.

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Mum, Dad, I'm sorry that I pissed everyone in the house too,

Really sorry for everything I've said and done.

Sorry.

Untitled

I've looked through our chats history in Facebook, as I was looking, there was this post of her's attached with a link and asking if I dont feel anything looking at the posts and pictures we shared and exchanged.

That time, I did.

I felt the love we shared, the bond between us.

I felt that I love this girl very much.

Now, I really wanted to ask her to click on the link again and want to ask if she still feel the same way I felt. But I cant.

I've made the greatest mistake of my life by letting someone like her slipped away,

and caused so much damage and pain unto her.

I am in no place to ask for forgiveness, and a chance.

I miss her so much..

But nothing I can do.

ISLYVM

Once a wonderful, full of love, joy and laughter relationship,

Had gone down a rough road, bumps after bumps..

He made many mistakes, wounds that could never heal..

Only regrets left.. of what's lost, is precious.

I love this girl, with all my heart. And I got only myself to blame for this.
For the mistake I've made, I've lost her.

I miss her tiny little hands I held on,
I miss her body weight on me when I lied down,
I miss her snores putting me to sleep,
I miss her cute gestures to get me to sayang her,
I miss her day-by-day complaints,
I miss the moments we shared, the sad and happy moments,
I miss her hugs, kisses, and those "I love you"s,
I miss accompanying her shopping,
I miss her massaging her,
I miss riding motorcycle with her,
I miss her being my GPS although she's not good at it,
I miss exploring new places with her,
I miss watching movies with her,
I miss kicking ball, volleyballing with her,
I miss those moments we stared at each other and never say a word,
I miss those minis,
I miss pandas,
I miss taking pictures with her,
I miss eating together with her,
I miss swimming with her,
I miss windows shopping with her,
I miss travelling with her,
I miss us,
I miss her,
I miss Teh Aun Joo,
I miss Raymie,
I miss bB, bybyy,
I miss planning things with her,
I miss lok lok,
I miss the lake,
I miss calling her nuunoob,
I miss sending her to work,
I miss picking her up from work,
I miss Subways on Mondays,
I miss Nasi Goreng Ketam with her,
I miss her massage(pinches),
I miss her smile,
I miss her tak-syok face,
I miss those things we did for each other, the bandage card,
I miss you talk crap about Lydia,
I miss manja-kan her,
I miss being di-manja-kan by her,
I miss the boat ride in Mines,
I miss what we did in Pav and Gardens.
I miss the moments in Subang Square,
I miss the moment we spent in the car,
I miss you,

There's a lot more that I really miss about her.. the list will go on and on..
I really miss her so much..

I Love You, Teh Aun Joo.

I'm Sorry.

Goodbye..

I choose to be tensed?
If so, I wouldn't even want to take that call from you.
If so, I wouldn't even want to listen to you.
If so, I wouldn't even want to talk to you.
If so, I wouldn't even want to be here.

If being tensed up is a choice, I would rather ignore ur call and just do nothing.
I would choose that.

You've pushed me too far this time.
Never a sorry for the things you did to me.
And I can easily give it for the things I've done.
I guess sorry is a very valuable word.
I dont deserve to have one.

I rather walk this road alone from now on.

Goodbye, this is where it all ends.

Toyed

you think I dont know?

do your thing behind me, hope that I wont find out.

how can I befriend the culprits that know all these things and never to think about me?

they contribute the hurting of your love one,

who is more important to you? love one? your friends?

you choose them over me. you tell me what am I supposed to do?

maybe I'll just let you teamed up with them and continue the hurting.

maybe I should just let you.

be with them, be free. let my misery go.